Wednesday, January 14, 2009

psychosis or over active imagination?

literally means abnormal condition of the mind, and is a generic pyschiatric term for a mental state often described as involving a "loss of contact with reality". People suffering from psychosis are said to be psychotic.
People experiencing psychosis may report hallucinations or delusional beliefs, and may exhibit personality changes and disorganized thinking. This may be accompanied by unusual or bizarre behavior, as well as difficulty with social interaction and impairment in carrying out the activities of daily living.
Auditory hallucinations, particularly the experience of hearing voices, are a common and often prominent feature of psychosis. Hallucinated voices may talk about, or to the person, and may involve several speakers with distinct personas. Auditory hallucinations tend to be particularly distressing when they are derogatory, commanding or preoccupying. However, the experience of hearing voices need not always be a negative one.
One important and puzzling feature of psychosis is usually an accompanying lack of insight into the unusual, strange, or bizarre nature of the person's experience or behavior. Even in the case of an acute psychosis, people may be completely unaware that their vivid hallucinations and delusions are in any way "unrealistic". This is not an absolute, however; insight can vary between individuals and throughout the duration of the psychotic episode.

If anybody actually read all of it Im surprised. Then again Im writting this more for myself. So I come to terms with it. I hear voices and see things. I have ever since I was little. I dont think I have psychosis, I think I have an over active imagination. More like having imaginary friends. I talk to them they talk to me. I know Im 15 and a little too old for imaginary friends but I also have a paracosm. A paracosm is an imagined, detailed fantasy world invented by a child or perhaps an adult, involving humans and/or animals, or perhaps even fantasy or alien creations. Often having its own geography, history, and language, it is an experience that continues over a long period of time: months or even years. So I know my brains weird when it comes to imagining things. I actually have three paracosms. But Ill talk about them later I guess. So anyway back to psychosis. One voice has told me to kill myself, or my family will get if I dont do something. They comment on me, or the people around me. They talk about what Im thinking. I use them for problem solving. I will have a problem, and ill take a postion, and he will take another, and we will argue to see whos right. And it will help me solve a problem. I have at least 35 different imaginary friends. Each with their own personalities, names, birthdays, eye colors, quirks, hobbies, thought processes, every thing. And its not like I dont have any real friends, because I do. One guy follows me around every where I go. It used to bother me, but now I find it comforting. Its nice to always have someone there. Like hes protecting me. I take medicine for psychosis, but it hasnt helped. I say it does because i dont want my mom to worry. She freaked out when I told her I hear voices. She just wants me to be normal, so Ill pretend I am for her. I think it doesnt work because I dont have psychosis. But it really doesnt matter I guess.


  1. Wow.
    I read that entire post and it basically left me speechless. It's taking a lot of concentration and deep thinking to say anything now.

    Everything you've been through, everything you've had to suffer through, I honestly can't imagine what it would be like. My life has been good to me and I still cry myself to sleep some nights, I still have bruises where I've clutched at my stomach afraid that if I let go I'd fall apart.
    I feel like there are several people inside of me all of which can't seem to agree, all fighting for control.

    But nothing I have ever been forced to endure comes close to what you have. My life has been good and I stil have trouble. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be for you.

    If you ask me (which you didn't) I think that the fact that you are alive and living your life shows a strength that I cannot even begin to comprehend.
    For you to have lived through all that, it's just... I'm in awe.
    I mean, I know that it would have been incredibly difficult, much beyond my understanding, but you made it. You've made it all the way through.

    Maybe you feel weak at times. But maybe that's because you've been burdened by things no one should ever have to go through. Things that some people don't even pause to think about until someone else speaks of them because they are just that horrible. The fact that you have survived, despite all of those horrors, despite all of the hard days, despite your mental state, it puts things into perspective for me.

    Your strength is something beyond what I can imagine.

    (Excuse the long comments. I ramble a lot. I like to make my point well known, even though sometimes I fail. Sorry)

  2. You know what? You seem more sane than half the people i know, those who haven't been diagnosed with anything.