My fucking day

Well today I slept in. Eentually woke up. I asked to go outside and my parents finally trusted me enough to let me. First time i went outside to hang out in four weeks. So yeah big accomplishment. I was bored and i spun around in circles to get that high feeling. I love that feeling. I kept fucking falling down and hitting my head. Well anyway. I had to go to my appointment with my couseler. He was glad that i kept my promise and didnt attempt suicide again. I talked to him about my drinking, overdosing, and mood problems. I had another mood swing a half hour before i got there and I was fucking pissed off. No idea why but I just wanted to curse someone out or punch something. I was trying to control myself. I stopped talking just so I didnt say something I would regret. Half way through the session I was happy. I just was nothing made me happy. But I just went with it and had a good time. This is the same counseler that ratted me out to my parents telling them I attempted suicide before. And this time he told them I overdosed on perscription meds, taking five times the dose. Fucking pissed me off. But I was so happy that it really didnt even make me mad, it didnt phase me. So left the stupid session. Went and bought monster. I drank so much and now Im so fucking hyper I just keep shaking. So far I havent done anything stupid today. No cutting, over dosing, no drinking. Today is the second day of changing my life. After the whole epiphany thing Im feeling really good about my decision to stop fucking up and get my life together before I get commited. No more attempted suicides, or hospitals. It feels good. All I have to do is remeber this feeling when Im depressed. Make it an incentive to wait and not kill myself just to get this feeling. Its like a high, but a safe high. No drugs or alcohol. I was going to kill myself on my birthday, dec 31, but Ive made it two more weeks. Ive made it through another day.