alcohol+pills

Ive been dealing with my mood disorder. And have been feeling like shit. So I would drink and take pills just so I can stop feeling like this. I usually get a buzz or high. And it feels great. It really does. I know taking pills with alcohol is stupid but it makes you feel good. Thats all I want. Just to feel good. Thats my goal. I would do anything to feel good. Ive taking pills to get high before. And I would get high, and when I started coming down i went to sleep. The pills interacted with my other medicine and it makes me really sleepy. So I would just get high, go to sleep. Wake up get high again, go to sleep. And then just do it all again. By the time the day was over id taken over 54 pills. I was dizzy, my ears were ringing, my hearts beating fast, it hurt to breathe, had a headach, i felt like I was going to throw up, I couldnt stand, I couldnt move, I couldnt talk. And after it all. It was still worth the high. That feeling. Im addicted to that feeling. I did it just to escape from my problems. I never really comfront them. But things are better. I havent overdosed or get drunk in two weeks. Granted I ran out of pills and alcohol. But yeah. Now Im back to cutting. : /