Wednesday, January 14, 2009
kickd out of school, how i screwed up
Ive been homeschooled for seventh and eigth grade and for ninth, I was going to go to public school. We registered late so my first day of school was actually the fourth day. I missed the orientation. Shit. I went to school, aan my mom had to do paper work, so I was there with her. And they gave me my class schedule. By the time that was done it was already half way into second period. Shit, I had to walk into second period late. It was geometry. I go there and I thought about going, but decided against it So the my first class on my first day of school I skipped. I went and just started walking around. And I just walked around with the pass in my hand, pretending I wasnt supposed to be in class, and most administrators didnt bother me. But as I rounded a corner one comes up to me and asks. "Do you know where to be", and I was like yeah, because I knew where to be, so I technically wasnt lying. I just had no intention of going to class. So leave it up to teachers to give me a question were I could mislead them without lying. just like when they say, "Do you know where you need to be, or where youre going" and you could honestly answer them without getting into trouble. I go to great pains not to lie, but have a problem with misleading people, especially when people make it easy on me to do it. Anyway... I lost track of where I was. Back to the story. I waited until second period eneded. And went to all of my classes for the rest of the day. Everything went relatively good. I had a lot of panic attacks though. Very embasrassing. So on the first day everybody already figured out I was a freak. Anyway fast foward to monday to where all my problems began. I started out going to biology. Had a panic attack half way into the class. And by the time the class was over, my heart still hurt. And i had gym next. I actually brought my uniform. Went to the locker room, got changed and went to the gym. Did some exercises to get warmed up. And we went outside to play soccer. We played soccer and half way into the game I had a bad panic attack, and I stopped and stood there holding my heart. It hurt like hell. But the teacher asked me I was okay. And I didnt answer him. I rarely answer people when I have a panic attack. I cant help it. So they get the nurse. She comes. I dont talk to her. they called the counseler. I HATE her. so when she comes by that time I start freaking out. And start to get up and leave school grounds. They said if i did they would call security on me. and said fuck off. and leave me alone. I just wanted to be left alone. I wasnt thinking straight. I started hearing tons of voices talking to me at the same time i didnt know what to do. They called my parents, and they came and got me. The counseler said i was disrupting the learning enviornment and said i could come back until I was diagnosed with something and find a way to deal with me. And thats how it all started. I was kicked out of school on my second day, and have been gone ever since. I got put on home hospital teaching. It sucks so much. I went from all honors to not learning a thing. She just comes to my house, hands me papers, tells me to do them, and leaves. I hate it I want to learn things. I want to go to school. I want to be normal.